EVERYTHING
I KNOW ABOUT WRITING I LEARNED FROM MY DOGS
I
guess I am a slow learner. Some people claim to have learned everything they
know in kindergarten. Here I am, 50+ years old, still learning important stuff…especially
when it comes to writing. What’s even more distressing, I’m learning from my
dogs. I know you don’t believe me. I can hardly believe it myself. But consider
the following lessons and see if you don’t agree.
There
is nothing more important than chewing a rawhide bone. When Tiller is
given a Himalayan Dog Chew, he flops down wherever he happens to be and begins
chewing. The neighbors’ dogs may set up the midnight bark, timer may go off
signaling time for dinner, the roof may blow off the house in a hurricane, but
nothing will stop him from chewing on that yak-milk bone until the last tasty
morsel has been gnawed to a mushy tidbit too small for a mouse.
The
same tenacious attitude should be applied to writing. The creative process is
most effective when all other life distractions are blocked out, enabling the
wordsmith to focus on one primary task; that of writing. That means no email,
no scrolling through Facebook, no twitter tweet fests. Focus is the name of the
game here…nothing but the writer and the bone.
Jump
for joy whenever your owner walks in the door. Having the owner come home after an absence of
anywhere from ten minutes to ten hours must be the equivalent of winning the
Canine Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes. At least the way my little Scout
reacts. He jumps. He barks. He wags his tail. He spins in circles. He does back
flips (Well, he would do back flips if he knew how.) His joy is obvious.
A
writer will do well to remember that characters emotions (joy, sorrow, anger,
love, etc…) must be presented in a similar over-the-top fashion. If the character
is happy, don’t settle for writing “Carole was very happy.” Instead, have her
jump up and kick her heels, or do cartwheels across the front yard, or
spontaneously kiss that gorgeous sweaty many jogging by her mailbox. An
abundance of emotion will make your characters sympathetic and believable. This
will help your readers connect to your character. Connected readers keep
reading.
Follow,
don’t lead. My
precious little Jubilee was very independent. When taking our morning walks,
she led. I followed, exactly three feet (the length of her lavender leash) behind.
Dare I stroll on ahead when she paused to sniff a patch of sweet, urine-scented
clover, she immediately dropped back on her haunches and pulled away. Her ears
flattened back and her nostrils flared. She refused to budge. If I stopped pulling
and walked back so that she was once again in the lead, she stood up and
pranced merrily on her way.
Writers,
if you haven’t already figured it out, characters can be just as stubborn. For
my first novel, I made the mistake of carefully outlining the entire plot. I
sat down at the keyboard and started leading Baily, my heroine, on her journey.
Bailey fought me from chapter one. The harder I pulled, the more obstinate she
became. It took many days (months/years) before I learned to relax and let the character
lead. We end up at the same place, just take a different (and more compelling)
route.
The
Secret of your Future is Hidden in your Daily Routine. We had a dog
that had such a rigid routine you could set your watch by her. Up every morning
at six. Watch us eat breakfast before taking her on her walk around the block.
Breakfast for her. Nap all day. Playtime. Dinner. Out. Bed. Things didn’t
always go so well during the Daylight Savings transitions (try explaining that
concept to an almost deaf dog), but Jamaica’s routine served her well. She
lived to almost 17 years old.
When
it comes to writing, routine will serve you well. Figure out what time of day
the muses are most likely to stop by, and then plan your day so that you are in
your writing chair at that time. Remove
all distractions, and write. It won’t be long before you find your mind gearing
up for the writing session, so when you settle in to your writing space your
thoughts are already knocking on the door. A mindless task (like folding laundry
or taking a walk) right before your dedicated time can also get the muses juiced
and ready to flow! Same time, every day.
It’s
okay to lick yourself in public . It doesn’t matter if we are home alone
watching TV, or if the house is full of high-ranking Navy officials, if Commodore
wanted to lick, he plopped down on the Turkish rug and licked. It might embarrass
us, but it doesn’t faze him. He is lucky he has no societal standards which
dictated his behavior.
When
it comes to writing, characters that follow all the “rules” can be flat,
predictable, and well, no fun to read. By applying the “it’s OK to lick yourself”
philosophy, you add a new dimension to your characters. It makes them
interesting. It makes them spunky. It makes the reader say to themselves, “I’ve
got to keep reading to see what crazy thing this character does next.” And the
secret to good writing is giving the reader a reason to keep reading.
Let
your presence known! There is no need for a doorbell in hour house.
If any living creature comes within 500 yards of our property, Kimo barked. Not
just yapping, but creating enough racket to wake the dead. He makes certain
that the friend/intruder/stray leaf falling from a tree knows that he is inside.
The
same should be done to promote yourself and your writings. Make enough noise so
that editors and agents and fellow writers and neighbors and coworkers and
social media peeps are aware of your goals and dreams. Distribute promotional items
everywhere you go. Wear a t-shirt that proclaims “I AM A WRITER”. Let the world
know there is a writer inside. And don’t wait until you are published to start getting
your name out there. Start now. Today.
These
are just some of the things my dogs have taught me. If you are
interested in learning more about the fine art of creative writing but can’t afford
tuition at the local university, you may want to check out the local Canine
Academy. It’s amazing what young pups are teaching these days.
_____________________________________________________________________________There really is soooo much to the craft of writing (hence the plethora of books on How to Write!). I have written a few articles with my own advice. I'm dusting off some of my favorites and will post a new one every month or so.
WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD CHARACTERS
by Jayne Ormerod
posted September 11, 2017
“Stop jumping on the bed before you fall off and crack your head open!”
“Don’t run with scissors or you poke your eye out.”
“Don’t get near the lawnmower without shoes on or you’ll cut your toe off.”
“Don’t lick the beaters while they mixer is on because it will yank
your tongue clear out of your mouth.”
“What?” you ask.
Yes, when I sit down to write a new scene I put on my mom hat and figure out what bad thing can happen to my characters and thus create conflict which raises the tension which, in the words of esteemed literary agent Donald Maas, is what “keeps the reader turning pages.”
Let me show you of what I speak. We’ll start with a scene, say a charity event held in the ballroom of a swanky downtown hotel. Our hero, we’ll call him Jake, looks yummy dressed in a tuxedo that emphasizes his broad shoulders and bulging biceps. Our heroine Daria looks stunning in an off-white, off-the-shoulder, cocktail-length number paired with sexy sling-back stilettos. How about we give her a little something sparkly top go around her neck, too? Okay, so the plan for the evening is a cocktail hour followed by an haute cuisine dinner, then a night of dancing under the spinning disco ball to music offered by a soulful singer and her back-up band. We follow our characters as they eat, drink and be merry. All nice and good and probably very enjoyable by real-world standards. But to a reader? In a word, BO-ring!
So now we’re going to play a little game of “What if…” thinking of something bad that can happen to our characters, and then let’s go one step further and figure out “what would be worse…” I guarantee you that we’ll spin a scene that will keep the reader engaged in our little drama.
Here’s some ideas I’ve come up with.
What if…at the dinner table, somebody jostles Daria’s elbow and she spills red wine on
her couture dress. Or if we’re going to worst-case wardrobe malfunctions here, what would be worse is if Daria returns from the restroom with the back of her dress tucked in her underwear. (And I speak from personal experience telling you this is the WORST thing that can happen to a woman at a formal event. You’d think my mother would have warned me about that! No worries, though, my “date” for the evening married me anyway.)
What if…Jake’s ex-fiancé is in attendance, looking ravishing, as usual. What would be worse is if Madame Ex is hanging on the arm of Jake’s new boss and whispering all sorts of secrets while looking his way. (And of course he has some dark secrets. All yummy heroes do. But that’s another topic for another day.)
What if…in hopes of taking advantage of the romantic venue Jake slips an engagement ring into Daria’s champagne and she accidentally drinks it. Worse yet, what if Jake’s ex-fiancé accidentally drinks it. I think there might be a little “conflict” after that, don’t you?
What if…when Daria passes through the lobby on the way to the restroom she interrupts a robbery. Oh, what if she’s taken hostage! At gunpoint!
What if…while they are enjoying their dessert, the charming elderly lady next to Jake falls face first into her cherry chocolate chip cheesecake? But what if it’s not a simple heart attack, but murder? And Jake is the prime suspect? (Forgive me, I’m a mystery writer at heart, and I’ve found nothing increases the tension better than the introduction of a dead body.)
Feel free to rely on the all time “what’s the worst that can happen” scenarios that our mothers taught us. Like, what if…after the ball, they get a room at the swanky hotel and while they’re getting “frisky” Daria does fall off the bed and cracks her head open?
Making “bad things” happen to your good characters is such a simple concept, but so important to creating a compelling read. So can they go out for a nice date? Of course, but something has to happen, something out of the ordinary, something that will increase tension, maybe show the character’s “true colors” or force them to face their demons or push them outside of their comfort zone in some way. You need something that creates conflict and tension. Something that will have your readers saying “Wow, I didn’t see that coming.” That’s what makes a story not only worth reading, but also worth the twenty-four dollars and ninety-nine cents they plunked down for it.
Making “bad things” happen to your good characters is such a simple concept, but so important to creating a compelling read. So can they go out for a nice date? Of course, but something has to happen, something out of the ordinary, something that will increase tension, maybe show the character’s “true colors” or force them to face their demons or push them outside of their comfort zone in some way. You need something that creates conflict and tension. Something that will have your readers saying “Wow, I didn’t see that coming.” That’s what makes a story not only worth reading, but also worth the twenty-four dollars and ninety-nine cents they plunked down for it.
Okay, your turn to play. Let your imagination run wild and think of something bad that can happen to Jake and Daria on their date. Then figure out what would be even worse than that. And maybe even push yourself to go one step further along on the worst-case scenario continuum. Is it possible to push too far? Yes. For example the abduction by aliens (unless you are writing sci fi) is too far for a mainstream romance. But in general, the worser the better. And please share your ideas in the comment section. We all want to read them!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Boost your Metabolism: A Google search will show you
hundreds, if not thousands, of sites that will give you advice on boosting your
metabolism. By revving up your inner engines, they will continue to burn
calories even when you are not involved in high-intensity workouts.
Carbo-Load: How are you supposed to get in
top-tip shape if you run out of energy during your workout so that you stretch
out on the sofa for a rest? Ask any marathon runner and they’ll tell you the
secret to keeping energy levels high enough to complete the 26.2-race is to
maximize the storage of glycogen (aka energy) in the muscles and liver for
later use. Gotta eat the right carbs at the right time in order to store
that energy.
_____________________________________________________________________________
BEACH SEASON IS AROUND THE CORNER
TIME TO GET (YOUR NOVEL) IN SHAPE!
by Jayne Ormerod
posted March 18, 2017
TONE AND FIRM YOUR SAGGING MIDDLE, SOME WRITING ADVICE
Absolutely Fabulous Abs! The Abdominizer! Abs of Steel! Quick fix
gimmicks to tone and firm America’s sagging middles abound. They look
good on TV, but the only surefire way to squeeze into that gold
lamé bikini is by laying off the Krispy Kremes and hauling your body out
of the La-Z-Boy for some exercise. Trimming your waistline involves hard
work and self-discipline.
Sagging middles are not limited to human flesh: your novel may also suffer the
same affliction. Here the results can be more than an unsightly
bulge. You can actually cause your reader to lose interest and toss your
novel into the nearest library donation box. Again, the solution involves
hard work and self-discipline. Anyone who has ever waged the battle of
the bulge can apply the same dieting techniques to their literary masterpiece.
Cut the Fat: Everyone knows a person who
cannot tell a “short” story. When sharing an experience, said person
includes too much irrelevant information, down to the color and texture of the
new underwear he received from his Aunt Martha six Christmases ago.
Often, when this raconteur sees his audience nodding off he says, “Well, to
make a long story short…” Too late! Too much story-fat has buried
the original point of the story so that the listener not only doesn’t know, but
neither does he care, about the ending.
Nothing slows a novel down faster than too much story fat. In the writing
sense, fat includes: backstory (everything that happened before your tale
begins); travelogue (nobody wants to see those vacation videos); and repetition
(great for a songwriter, not for a novelist.) Show some willpower and cut
anything and everything that does not directly impact the outcome of the story.
Aerobic Exercise: Anyone who has ever “Sweated to the
Oldies” knows that Richard Simmons slowly increases the level of intensity of
the workout until your heart is hammering in your ears and sweat is cascading
down your limbs. Just when you feel you can’t do another can-can kick,
the activity slows down until you are once again breathing normally.
Your novel should follow the same path. It’s not uncommon for the beginning
novelist to rush to build intense conflict in the first ten pages in order to
HOOK the reader. The conflict is not resolved for another 150
pages. That leaves the reader with 140 pages of the equivalent of
finger-wiggles for the remainder of the workout: it may be physical activity,
but it’s not going to raise your heart rate and burn many calories. Follow
Richard Simmons’ example by slowly increasing the intensity of the story until
its climatic peak, then offer a gradual cool down.
Your novel needs a revving metabolism so
that readers continue to be engrossed in your story even when it is not a
high-action, car-chase scene. By increasing conflict, you can effectively
increase the energy level in your story, and keep your reader engaged. To do
this, ask yourself if the conflict you have created is strong enough to sustain
interested for hundreds of pages. Don’t base an entire novel on Sigourney
not speaking to Lazarus because he did not call her one night. If she
were to ask, she would discover that he had been helping his elderly neighbor
whom he had discovered face-down in her petunias. This conflict could be
cleared up quickly with a simple conversation, and will never sustain a reader’s interest for 75,000
words. The story’s conflict must be seemingly insurmountable. It
must be emotional. It must be intense. By boosting your metabolic
conflict, you are giving your reader a reason to continue reading.
In the case of the novel, you need to Character-Load. Create such compelling
characters that your reader connects with them, and is rooting for them to
succeed right down to the last page. In order to do this, begin with detailed
character worksheet, examples of which are included in just about every book
ever written about writing. Spend time getting to know your characters by
interviewing them or sitting down and chatting with them (preferably when you
are alone—you don’t want your family members seeing you talking to yourself or
they may call the men in white coats to come and get you…). True
characterization goes way beyond physical attributes. You need to know
what makes characters do what they do, why they react to certain
situations. Find out what they would do if they won the lottery; what
their most embarrassing moment was; what their most painful memory is; what
they dream about; what frightens them; what pushes them; what drives them to
drink. I know one writer who complies ten pages of details for each main
character. The information may not be relevant to the plot (in which
case, never include just for the sake of showing how well you know your
character), but it is vital to the development of your story. Strong
characters make compelling novels. ‘Nuf said about that.
Build Muscle: Any veteran dieter knows that
muscle weighs more than fat. And looks better in a bikini.
In the novel sense, the muscle of the story is the plot. A plot is a
sequence of events that unfold over the course of a story. It is how your
characters get from Point A to Point B, and all of the obstacles they overcome
on the journey. Foreshadowing, or hinting at something that will happen
later in the book, is a great plotting tool. If Mable Mulligan never
steps outside of her house without yellow galoshes on her feet—even on the
sunniest of days—then the reader is compelled to keep reading in order to find
out why she does that. Main plots can then be intertwined with subplots,
or little stories that seem to have nothing to do with the main story.
Ah, but they do, and the successful author will weave all of these side stories
into one skimpy bikini—I mean satisfying ending.
Education: If your goal for BEACH SEASON is
to get into better shape, the first thing you should do is educate yourself.
Join Weight Watchers or buy a book on the topic…gawd knows there are enough of
them out there. You have to understand the food in/energy out equation in
order to get those six-pack abs.
A visit to your local brick-and-mortar bookstore or on-line retailer will
reveal a HUGE selection of helpful books on writing. But also take
advantage of advice gleaned through seminars, classes, websites and support
groups (yes, writing is an addiction!) You can also learn a great deal by
reading a successful novel by one of your favorite authors. Don’t just
read it, but study it by sitting down with a notebook, pen and highlighter and
noting how the plot unfolds, how the characters develop, how the conflict
builds, and how each and every judiciously chosen detail advances the
story. Most importantly, try to determine why you sigh as you read the
last page, wishing the story could go on forever.
The Abdominizer may work for your abdomen, but only
hard work and self-discipline can tone and firm your novel’s sagging middle.
Write on, my friends!
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